"Each day as you wake up, make the decision to strive to do what's right.
Approach your life as you would your game....
...when you make a mistake, learn from it, correct it, and get ready for the next point. Life moves too fast to sulk and dwell on the past.
...when you're down, fight harder to get back on top. Life is full of hardships. Fight hard against those feelings of despair. ...when you're doing everything right and still can't win, be patient. No matter how good we are or how hard we struggle to make the right decisions, life often makes us wait.
...when you are on top of your game, relax and enjoy it. Life is fully appreciated when we survive adversity and can relax in the sunlight of success.
Each sunrise brings a new opportunity. No matter how bad the day before was, today is brand new. When you wake up, seek the strength and courage to do the right thing."
I shared this video with you because I thought it was funny. (My 3 year old son especially likes it!!!)
Just for a moment of reading, consider this. ... The way you respond to your parents and the adults around you, is the way you will be handling life as it is coming to you as you grow older. We are expecting and looking forward to you making positive changes.
Concerning the kind of world you are growing up in, and the kind of kids that you see in your life each day, here is an interesting quote:
Alan Lang, in his "Substance Abuse and Habitual Behavior" report to the National Academy of Science, identifies nine characteristics related to marijuana, alcohol and other drug use: Impulsive behavior, Difficulty in delaying gratification, Sensation seeking, Antisocial personality, Nonconformist values, Sense of alienation, Deviant behavior, Heightened feelings of stress, Little regard for goals generally valued by society.
Mrs. Podesta here has a point. "Difficult people are great actors." ... "Difficult people have an act."
Young child or teen, are you "difficult" sometimes when things don't go your way in your home? Do you argue, fight and otherwise act rudely against your parents or other family members when things don't go your way?
Perhaps you can say to yourself, "Well, other kids do it, so why can't I??!!!"
No, not really. Your parents are worth basic respect for the people they are in your life, and honor for what they do for you. Do you see this, or is it on some level a choice you have to be blind to it?
Well, the team of parents are learning to see your behavior for what it is. There is less and less pay-off for you when you act this way. When you are angry, you give your strength to others, nothing is gained by it.
Oh, and for the kids in the program who have turned things around in their lives and homes. Wow, you deserve so much the credit for the good work you are doing. It is "we" who are honored in working with you!!!
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other words.
We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different.
Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways-with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.
Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place after all. *******
OK, here we have a daring tale of a 100% pure and innocent little lamb, who, at a young age in his life, made a bad decision in not listening to his parents and went the wrong direction into a "life of crime!"
(I will pause here so you can get some kleenex and wipe the tears from your eyes.)
... Are you back? ... Good. Now we will go on. ...
"DON'T HANG OUT WITH THE WRONG PE ..."
Excuse me, I was starting to raise my voice. I apologize.
Alright, let me put it this way. ...
"It-is-a-good-idea-that-you-do-not-spend-your-time-with-the-wrong-kind-of-people-because-although-it-will-seem-at-first-that-you-enjoy-their-company-these-people-will-take-advantage-of-you-because-they-actually-do-not-love-you-they-only-promise-they-will-be-your-friend-but-when-things-don't-seem-to-go-their-way-they-will-turn-against-you-and-they-will-do-this-by-talking-about-you-behind-your-back-if-not-blame-"you"-when-it-is-"they"-who-were-wrong-in-a-thing-they-did-and-they-only-want-to-get-off-free-no-matter-how-you-look-at-the-end. ... Do you understand???"
In other words, never stop doing all you can to respect and get along with your family. - Especially your parents. ... Or, do you want to look like this kid??? ... I suggest not!!!
Watch video, then read today's reading. (Not recommended for small children to view.)
*******
This video remarkably depicts the complicated effects of "enmeshment" in relationships. Seems today we cannot seem to bond in friendship without "losing our identities in the other". However, this only cripples us as individuals, and limits us from being what we can for others, ourselves and God.
Parents can easily become enmeshed in those around them, as small children and teens can also become enmeshed in systems of the world that support them to defy and speak bad of their parents.
You can find yourself joined with a drug culture, using drugs when you thought you never would. This is enmeshment. Another word for it is "co-dependency", where you "become like those you hang out with".
Here are two outlines which briefly describe enmeshment from a "family" perspective.
A person once remarked that the main source of our unhappiness is that we ourselves don't know what we want. We think we're dissatisfied with what we have, with the way we live, and the way other people act toward us. He suggested that each person dig down deep to see what we really feel would bring us contentment.
If this self-searching reveals only that we are disgruntled because we feel we deserve a better car, a bigger house or more money, we must dig still deeper for the real cause. Is it envy of others? Is it our inability to enjoy fully what we do have? Do we, in defense of our own shortcomings, look for excuses to blame others? I can find serenity only by rooting out my discontent. I must acknowledge to myself the real reasons why I react as I do. Am I doing my share? If not, my dissatisfaction may be due to unrecognized guilt. Is it difficult for me to feel and express appreciation? I will try to develop a sense of gratitude. Do I expect others to behave according to my expectations?
It really adds up to this: That we're not satisfied with ourselves, and we can certainly do something about that."
[Taken from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon", and improvised by Jim Hogue, MA, MFT ]
