*October 8th*

I am told that I can help yourself, no matter how great my burdens and troubles are. But sometimes I think: "Easy for you to say, but you don't know what "I'm" going through!"

However, am I building up little things into giants, so that those things would seem unberable? I know I'm not the only one who does this. Many other people do. We may magnify disagreements about money for instance, or did my parents and teachers talk to me right when they told me what to do! Yes, I can expand minor slights into huge grievances. Without realizing it, I'm looking for trouble and am ready to fasten onto little things that I could easily pass over, if I really want peace and happiness in my life.

Today's Reminder
If I don't make big problems out of little ones, I can save myself much grief. Fighting for my "rights" often creates more difficulty than accepting less than I expect. If I really value peace on the inside of me, I will avoid making big issues out of small ones. Giving in, and letting go, becomes easier as I practice it, and it pays big dividends in my own inner satisfaction.

"Why are you troubled because things do not succeed according to your desire? Who is there who has all things according to his will? Neither I, nor you, nor any man upon earth."
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 7th*

We hear many warnings against harboring resentment. It is a rare person who does not yield to resentment when he or she feels wronged by someone. We can resent our fate, our bad luck, our lot in life.

No amount of self-discipline can heal us of resentment. Sometimes it seems the more we struggle against it, resentment gains its very strength from our struggle. Resentment sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil.

We know it's destructive; we may earnestly want to free ourselves from it. What can we do?

First we think of our own personal good. Does it hurt the person we are resenting? Or does it hurt us? Then we reflect that this damaging combination of emotion and bad logic, comes from "not understanding its cause." Let's dissect it and find out what, inside us, gives resentment its overwhelming power.

Today's Reminder
I have no room for resentment in my life. I will not fight it with grim determination. Instead I will pull back from this impulse, "Easy does it", and give no place to resenting one day at a time in God's strength. ... The best antidote for resentment is the continual practice of gratitude."

"Nothing on earth consumes a man more completely than the passion of resentment." (Friedrick Nietzsche)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 6th*

Sometimes we each can appear that we have our thoughts, our emotions, our "lives" in order. But it can happen that others can see rather quickly that this smugness can be only "skin deep." The test is when we are crossed, disappointed or annoyed. The real untamed faults will then come through, and in our anger, we might not recognize the wrong in ourselves.

When we make only superficial changes in the way we cope in the world, and give only ardent lip service to what we learn, our progress is slow and our return to old ways are many. The regeneration we seek must involve true spiritual change. Change that must run deep, with each character flaw inside us replaced by a new and good quality.

Today's Reminder
I must be completely honest with myself in uncovering the faults which hamper my decisions, my behavior, and my spiritual growth. One by one, watchfully and painstakingly, I will replace them with constructive coping skills and attitudes.

"Men imagine they communicate their virtue - only by overt actions and words. They do not see that virtue, or its opposite, emits a breath at every moment."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Self-Reliance")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 5th*

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

When I say the Serenity Prayer over and over, I could fall into the habit of merely parroting the words without being aware of their meaning. If I "think" of the meaning of each phrase, my understanding will grow, and along with it, my capability to realize "the difference between what I can change and what I cannot."

The prayer states first that there are elements in my life which I have no power to change. That my serenity depends upon my accepting these elements, and that the more I fight them, the more they will torment me. "Courage to change the things I can" gives me unlimited freedom to work on those elements which are under my control, and of my utmost concern.

Today's Reminder
The Serenity Prayer suggests I ask God for "courage to change the ‘things' I can." The word is "things", not "people". True, there is much room for improvement in my life, but it can come only from changing my own attitudes and actions for the better.

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 4th*

I have to remember that one important reason I sometimes make bad decisions in what I say or do, is because of the guilt I carry for other wrongs I have done in the past. Also, it is good for me to recall that other people can also be carrying guilt inside them in similar ways that I do. I wish to remember to love my family, but I cannot allow myself to be responsible for their, or any other person's, burden of guilt. Because suppressed feelings of guilt can be a great burden in life, knowing this can help me understand and have increasing compassion for others. This way, I can more easily choose to not hold resentment and anger day by day in my life."

Another person may say: "I wish I could believe that! When my family member gets through telling me off, I feel as though the devil were sitting on my back with fifty pound lead weight in each pocket!"

Today's Reminder
There is no need for me to accept blame for another person's guilt ridden actions. When I am tempted to do so, I will deal with my own shortcomings. If I do this honestly, the change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine.

"Let me weigh my misdeeds on an honest scale and make restitution as well as I can. But let not the scale be unbalanced by the weight of what others have done."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 3rd*

Sometimes I get real confused in my head. Its like I get dizzy, and my thoughts get to racing. Usually it is then when I try to come up with my own answers about life and what is happening when I try to get along with others. When the answers I are right don't work, I then grow frustrated and sometimes become angry. When this happens it is best that I "Keep it simple and live with faith in the moment."

Probably there is nothing I can do now, this minute, this hour, this day, to solve the problem that is causing me to be frustrated. If so, then why do I make it harder for myself?

I will stop depending only on my own thinking to solve things that are too big for me. I will not re-think in my head over and over, to the point that I finally get physically sick in doing so. I will empty my mind of all this craziness. Instead I will ask God to give me strength, help, and in His time, make sense of what happens around me.

Today's Reminder
The things that trouble me are often too complicated for me to figure out. Actually, the thing that is bothering me, might be something that is not even real, but instead something I've "made-up" in my own mind. When I get stuck in this way of thinking, I will remind myself to "Keep it simple and live with faith in the moment." I know then I will find myself more happy in the end.

"Under the shadow of Thy wing shall be my refuge until this tyranny pass." (Book of Common Prayer)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 2nd*

Wanting to know why my parents, teachers and other adults want me to do something is like "an itch for which there is no scratch!" Nothing good actually comes from all my questioning.

It seems like I am "always" trying to "figure things out." Just about the time I think I have people "figured out" though, then I get all "confused" again! Some how I keep believing if I can only put my finger exactly on the one thing that is the reason I'm confused about people, the thing that is bothering me will just simply vanish away. Only it really never happens this way.

What is important, however, and within my God-given powers to figure out, is what am "I" doing that confuses and complicates my life. When I discover this, and do something to change it, what will vanish will be a good number of "my own" troubles!

Today's Reminder
May I be the kind of person that I need to be for my family and friends. May I learn to find what is good in others, including my parents, and be quick to appreciate it. This, and God's love for me, will be all I will need to bring happiness to my life. I will learn to stop always asking "Why do people do the things they do!!!", then only do things to change my own.

"Leave off that excessive desire of knowing; therein is found much distraction. There are many things the knowledge of which is of little or no profit to the soul."
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]