*October 14th*

Things are different now than they were 50 or 60 years ago. Back then, relatives lived near each other. Uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents were communities in city and country. Everybody knew one another. Everyone was family, and elders were respected without question. Because of this, when someones kid got out of hand and into trouble, the neighborhood of relatives backed each other, speaking for the kid's parents, or standing in the gap in their stead.

Now we're divided. - Parents, and sometimes a single dad or a single mom, is left to figure out the complexities of children these days, - alone, in a house with blinds closed and no witnesses.

Something is lost in today's individualism. Too often moms and dads stand as islands against angry behavior of children. Yes, there are accounts of parents abusing children, and this is sad, it is wrong, - but what of the events of children abusing moms and dads? A growing phenomenon in our time. Nagging, picking, verbally abusing and ungrateful!!! Cursing, demanding their way, and locking themselves in their rooms if they don't get what they want! ... Children who have everything, yet demand more and more. ... Never satisfied. Arrogant.

More parents than we wish to admit, in city after city, undergo torment from offspring they love deeply. When the problem of parents being abused by kids is discussed, its usually to conclude there's something wrong with the parents. The wrong behavior of children is called "A cry for help!"

But what of cases where this is not true? Fathers and mothers who are responsible people; own businesses, work hard, pay bills and keep food on the table? What if there is something wrong with "society" instead, that divides, conquers and analyses! What if many parents in this situation are normal; - only they are reacting in ways normal people do. Having their hearts ripped out inside them, and being blamed as the reason for it happening!

Maybe the old-timers had it right. Could it be with all our talk, and effort to change what has worked for centuries, we now "miss the forest for the trees?" ... Could it be that it was never meant that a parent should raise a child alone? ... Does it not make sense that when a dad or a mom tells a son or daughter what to do or not do, it is most effective for others who are adults to rise up and say, "Child, young one, listen to your parents, they love you, and they know what they're talking about for your own personal wellbeing!"

Written by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI
Supervisor: Peter Mosgofian, MA, MFC