*October 15th*

One day at a school where young children attended, it was recognized that the students gravitated to one area of the playground for recess. Finally a fence was erected as a border around the field for play. Then, and because of this, every time the bell rang, children would pour out for recess to all regions of the field, - the field the children once occupied only partly.

The same is true of the children we parent. Yes, some of our kids are easy to raise. But others, well, they make themselves out to be quite a challenge!

But here is a truth, a psychology if you will, that is so easy to go by unnoticed. The more a kid struggles against you, to that extent and to that extreme extent, that young one is afraid on the inside and wants you to win them over with strength, love, patience and truth.

Its like the playground at the schoolhouse analogy. Once the children knew where to go, once the boundaries were built and put in place, they went where they were told to go and did so freely joyfully!

But let's be clear, when it comes to children acting-out, using drugs, and defying you in a host of ways, as a parent, you will have to be strong, loving, patient and never give up on speaking the truth. Then, and only then, strange as it may seem, the more your son or daughter resists you, the more he or she kicks and screams in their hatred, to that extent your young desires you not to stop! (A strange paradox, isn't it!!!)

The other day I sang by his request at a young man's wedding. In all my years of working with children, no young person ever hated me more than this guy! Years later though, because I was strong, consistent and right in my team-effort with parents to hold him accountable, the teen grew up to be a husband and father, with a sacred respect for me as his one time counselor and friend.

I've seen this many times. Not only with myself, but with a great number of parents who persevered until they found love and respect in the eyes of their one time rebellious children. I mean, young men and women thanking us later for believing in them and not giving up!

You can do the same. I'm convinced of this.

Written by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI
Supervisor: Peter Mosgofian, MA, MFC