*September 1st*

When my problems seem to be coming at me all at once, I find myself thinking alone in my private thoughts becoming more and more depressed by what I'm thinking. Sometimes when I do this, even when I confide in friends, it leaves me feeling lonely and feeling no one can possibly understand what I'm going through.

Yet, dwelling on my troubles only shuts me in my mind, away from a world that is waiting to be enjoyed. Nothing has real power to deprive me of the delights to be found in many daily experiences - even a routine responsibility I must complete for school or home. It would help me to remember the many things I have to be thankful for.

Today's Reminder
I may have big troubles, but I can, if I wish, make those troubles less painful by turning my thoughts to happier things. I will not isolate myself in my problems. I will observe and enjoy what is good and pleasant in the world around me.

"Let me not deprive myself of the many little joys that are mine for the taking."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*August 31st*

"It's a nice day," people say when the weather's fine. One of the things taught in Al-Anon is that the kind of a day it is does not depend on the weather, but on our attitudes and reactions to what's happening.

We can make every day a nice day. Al-Anon's helpful leaflet "Just for Today" says it this way; "Just for Today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, keep my voice low, be courteous. I won't find fault." This is bound to brighten the day, for me and everybody I meet!

Today's Reminder
I will make up my mind to be cheerful every waking moment of this day. I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don't go just the way I wanted them to. I will try to accomplish something specific, perhaps some chore I have long been putting off. I will wear a pleasant smile for everyone I meet today.

"What a comfortable feeling it gives me to realize that all I have to deal with is just this one day. It makes everything so much easier!"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*August 30th*

When a family situation or a situation in school becomes really complicate and bad, and I think I just can't go on another day living in uncertainty, fear, deprivation and general misery, I may decide to take action and do something constructive to improve the situation. That's good. But "what" action should I choose to do? So much depends on taking the right course. Let me consider:

Is my present frame of mind, whether of anger, bitterness or confusion, one in which I can make a wise choice? Have I yielded too quickly to advice from friends, well-meant, but based on only limited knowledge of all the factors?

Today's Reminder
If I have come to the end of my rope, I have lived in this turmoil for a long time. Let me be patient a little longer while I weigh the alternatives. Will a radical very extreme change really work out better for me and for my future?

Before I make a decision, or take a next step, I will double my efforts to apply the truths and principles I am learning in emotional growth. It could bring me to an entirely different, more constructive solution than the drastic ones I was considering.

"Make sure that the medicine you use is worse than the sickness you're trying to cure!"

*August 29th*

How many of my frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! I see I so often want to be like my friends or people I see on TV. Yet, I am so critical and negative about them and even myself.

I expect my parents to do what "I" want them to do. Also, the same with my brother, sister and friends. Sometimes I get so angry at them! I want them to change, but seldom do I think of changing myself. I must remember to not be so hard on myself. This way I can remember to see the many wonderful "simple" things that come to me in life.

Today's Reminder
Let me learn to settle for less than I "wish" were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even of myself. Contentment comes from accepting gratefully the good that comes to us, and not from raging at life because it is not better. This wholesome attitude is by no means "resignation"; being lazy and not taking responsibility, but in realistic acceptance of what happens around me.

"What you have may seem small; you desire so much more. See children thrusting their hands into a narrow-necked jar, striving to pull out the sweets. If they fill the hand, they cannot pull it out and then they fall to tears. When they let go a few, they can draw out the rest. You, too, let your desire go; covet not to much ..." (Epictetus)

*August 28th*

We are told there can be no progress and growth without humility. This idea is confusing to me at first, and it almost always makes me get more angry when I think of it. "What, am I supposed to be a submissive "slave" to my parents, teachers and everybody, no matter how humiliating it is!!!

No, that is not what being "humble" means. True humility does not mean meek surrender to an ugly, destructive way of life, - that is what I can be doing to myself if I keep doing things the wrong way. It means surrender to God's will, which is quite a different thing. Humility prepares me for understanding what God wants me to do. Being humble shows me how good things will come to me in time when I do what He wishes me to do.

Today's Reminder
The attitude of true humility helps me to feel good about myself, helps me to build good self-esteem on "good" things, not "bad" things. It gives me strength to see spiritual answers to my life's problems.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God . . . casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you. He giveth grace to the humble."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 3-1]

*August 27th*

An interesting exercise, and one well worth a few moments of reflection, would be to consider the exact meaning of the phrase "to take offense."

These words describe an act of willingly taking into ourselves a hurt we feel somebody intended to inflict on us. We "take" offense. We don't have to take it. We are free to refuse to be hurt by a spiteful remark, or malicious action.

So the whole matter really rests with us. The choice of accepting or rejecting an offense is ours alone.

Today's Reminder
It may not be easy at first, but if I keep reminding myself that I will not permit myself to be hurt by what anyone says or does, it can bring about an amazing change in my attitude and disposition.

Whenever I feel I am being hurt by someone, I will silently refuse to "take offense" or take any action to retaliate. What a relief it will be to have such incidents vanish into thin air, leaving not a mark on me! I will not "accept" offense.

"What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Alinon" for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*August 26th*

How often I think that when I don't feel good, it is someone else's fault. That is because a teacher, brother, sister, friend or parent is making me feel bad because they are not doing what "I" want them to do. Yes, I sometimes look outside myself to make an excuse for what his happening in my feelings inside me. Only "I" am to blame for what I feel and think inside me, just like the same is true for everyone else. Yet however difficult these many people act around me, I could do a great deal to make myself feel better by looking at my own actions and not the actions of everyone else.

Today's Reminder
I will examine my own attitudes and behaviors and face the fact that much of what I do - or leave undone - contributes to me not being happy. Like sometimes other people around me, I, too, have an unrecognized sense of guilt which I could overcome by correcting what I find wrong with me. My first job is to stop fooling myself, stop excusing my own shortcomings.

"If we say that we have no fault, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." (1st Epistle of John)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Alinon" in the interest of family relationships, by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, (2-4)]

*August 25th*

Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that reacting on impulse - saying the first thing that pops into my head - defeats my own purposes? I couldn't lose by stopping to think: "Easy Does It". Wouldn't any crisis shrink to manageable size if I could wait a little while to figure out what is best to do? Unless I'm sure I'm pouring oil on troubled waters, and not on a raging fire, it might be best to do and say nothing until things calm down. "Easy Does It."

Today's Reminder
It may take a bit of self-control to back away from conflict and confusion. But it's wonderful protection for my peace of mind. Unless I can say or do something to quell the storm, I'll only be inflicting punishment on myself. And each little battle I win - "with myself" - makes the next one easier. It will all seem much less important tomorrow!

"Quietness is a great ally, my friend. As long as I keep my poise, I will do nothing to make bad matters worse."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Alinon". Specifically designed for parent-child relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, (8-25)]

*August 24th*

This day I will concentrate on the inner meaning of the Commandment "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." So often I am busy thinking what other people think of me, or if I'm doing things the way other kids do, that I forget to accept myself and be kind to myself. Being patient with myself is the only way I can learn to be patient with others. God made me. I don't think of that very often. Maybe it is important that I do. I mean, even think about how there "is" a God, and He loves me very much.

Today's Reminder
I've gotten myself in trouble for things I've said and done. Sometimes I've been so frustrated! Is God around me to help me when I want His help? If so, I could sure use that help sometimes! It is a good idea that I remember to be good to myself in nice ways, that way I can be better at being good to others.

"Today I pray for the wisdom to build a better tomorrow on the mistakes and experiences of yesterday."

[Taken and converted for purposes of parent and child relationships, from "One Day At A Time In Alinon" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 8-24]

*August 23rd*

Even though I am still a kid, perhaps I can learn to "let go" of the past. Maybe one of the reason I still get mad sometimes and speak the wrong way to my parents, is because I've done it for so long, I now feel so guilty. I wonder how it would have been if I had not done and said some things earlier. Would it be easier for me now to say and do the right thing? Do I automatically do what I see other kids do? But then there are some boys and girls who do "good" things. Why is it I don't follow their "good" example so often? Maybe I can do this. If I do, maybe people will give me credit for it.

Today's ReminderSometimes I act so sad and mad. Is it a way I manipulate others? It doesn't usually "feel" like I'm doing this. Yet, it could be what I'm doing, even when I don't feel it. I wonder if I am good and positive to some people, would they be good and positive to me? Will I improve to be pleasant and positive, even when things aren't going my way? Am I afraid to let those around me know I do have reasons to be happy, or do I want others to feel sorry for me?

"... that thou art happy, thou owest to God; that thou continuest such, thou owest to thyself." (John Milton: "Paradise Lost")

[Taken and converted for purposes of parent and child relationships, from "One Day At A Time In Alinon" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI) 8-23]

*August 22*

If a sharp thorn or a splinter pierces my hand, what do I do? I remove it as quickly as I can. Surely I wouldn't leave it there, hurting me, until it festers and sends its infection throughout my body.

Yet, what do I do with the thorns of resentment and hatred when "they" pierce my thoughts? Do I leave them there and watch them grow, while I suffer increasingly from the pain?

True, resentment and hatred are more difficult to pull out of our thoughts than the physical thorn from a finger, but so much depends upon it that I will do my best to eliminate them, before their poison can spread.

Today's Reminder
If I really do not want to be hurt, and if I am sure that self-pity isn't giving me a certain secret satisfaction, I will take all the steps necessary to free my mind from painful thoughts and emotions. The best way to do this is not by grimly exerting will power, but by replacing those hurting ideas with thoughts of love and gratitude.

"Thou has not half the power to do me harm, as I have to be hurt." (William Shakespeare: "Orthello")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" for the
"Parent Team Intervention Program" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 8-22.]

*August 21st*

If I believe that it is hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, and that I will never learn to get along with other people, I am doubting the power of God to help me in my life. If I believe I have reason for to simply "give up" and "stop trying", I am confessing personal failure, for I "do" have the power to change myself, and nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness.

Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do. This is a thinking error I can get rid of with the help of others. I can learn to avail myself of the immense, inexhaustible power of God, if I am willing to be "continually" conscious of God's nearness.

Today's Reminder
I am not totally at the mercy of a cruel world, for I have the power to determine what my life will be "one day at a time." I am not alone, because God is with me whenever I make myself aware of Him.

"To be without hope, is to deny the wonderful possibilities of the future."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" for the "Parent Team Intervention Program" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 8-21.]

*August 20th*

It is so easy to criticize others inside and outside our family. Especially it is easy to criticize our parents. After all, we see other kids doing the same, and sometimes our parents don't let us do what we want to do. The criticism, the talking back and arguing, is often an emotional defense I make, because deep down I know my parents are right in what they are telling me. Its just that sometimes I don't want to admit it.

We all know the saying that when we point a finger at someone else in speaking bad about them, there are always three fingers pointing back.

Today's Reminder
It's sometimes a shock to have our thinking errors pointed out to us, but I must always remember that in the Parent Team Intervention meetings, and when I'm with my therapist, the motive is loving and meant to be helpful.

If I'm on the wrong track, I want to know it so I can correct my faulty attitude. Others can often see our problems more clearly than we can, and from that we get our best help. I appreciate my parents for what they are trying to do.

"Teach me to think straight, and not to take offense at criticism which is meant as loving guidance."
[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" for the "Parent Team Intervention Program" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 8-20.]

*August 19th*

My attitude toward another - whether they are doing what I want them to or not - can have a lot of influence on the life of my family. Maybe I have a habit of tearing down those who are close to me, showing my contempt for other peoples actions, if not out in the open, then secretly in my angry heart. Yet, I, and I alone, am responsible for the consequences of my own bad attitudes. Even a little understanding and kindness can go far to help me see how I hurt my parents, brothers, sisters and friends, when I say things out of anger designed to hurt and get even.

Today's Reminder
I never want to forget that my family, with whatever faults they may have, will always be my family. Also, they are children of God, and therefore deserve to be treated properly by me. I will be careful to not act like I'm their "boss" and "punisher", for I cannot destroy another person without also inflicting great damage on myself.

"It is easy, terribly easy, to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit, is devil's work." (G.B. Shaw: "Candida")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time" Alinon, for August 19th, the PARENT TEAM MEETING PROGRAM by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*August 18th*

Lots of times I've had long list of things I didn't like about people in my head. Especially against my parents when they would not let me do what I wanted to do. I don't really know why I've done that, it just "happens" I guess. Yet, the worst possible thing I can do is to keep over in my head, the things that have made me mad. How my life would be so much better and so much happier if I would erase these bad thoughts from my mind, so that each new day can be used to make things better. In this way, maybe I can find greater strength, one moment at a time, to take things that look bad, and make them better.

It is not my job to keep a list of what other people say or do wrong. It hurts me when I walk around getting angry over so many little things. What I should be doing is see what I do that is not good to do, then change what I can in my own actions, one thing at a time. This could be better for me and for my family.

Today's Reminder
Storing up grievances is more than a waste of time; it's a waste of life that could be lived to greater satisfaction. If I keep a record of oppressions and indignities in my heart, I am restoring them to painful reality.

I'm finding the things I've had against people are surprisingly easy to forget, once I practice living one day at a time and examine myself with the voice of my own conscience.

"The horror of that moment," the King said, "I shall never, never forget." ... "You will, though," said the Queen, "if you don't make a memorandum of it." (Lewis Carroll: "Through the Looking Glass")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time" of Alinon, August 18th, for PARENT TEAM MEETING PROGRAM, by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*August 17th*

It was a painful experience the first time I went to a Parent Intervention Meeting with my parents. I remember the whirling thoughts, the fears, the uncertainty. Uneasy questions came crowding into our minds: "What in the world are these stupid grown ups doing to me?" - "I planned to really show my anger when arriving home with my family!" - "I was so embarassed!"

But what is true, those people were doing for me what they knew was for my own good. And every person there understood that no word that was said in the meeting was ever to be said outside of the building.

Today's Reminder
I should remember to watch what I say about other people at all times. Is what I say hurtful to others? When I do that, maybe I am becoming the kind of person myself I do not want to be. Actually, parents and children both deserve this respect. That what is said is not spread about to make a parent or kid look bad.

"It might be good for me to learn to say "sorry" sometimes when I have said something bad about my parents or others."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 8-17.]

*August 16th*

It may be that the harsh words and accusations I use to whip my parents for them not doing what I want them to do, leave no scares on their hearts or love for me. But how can I tell? How can I risk hurting my parents when they are the ones who love me most?

If God has something to say to my parents, how can they hear Him over my shouting? What is the purpose of letting myself fly apart in reckless tantrums? To consequence family members for not having my way, or is it to relieve my pent-up feelings, that only hurt others in the end?

Today's Reminder
I cannot punish anyone without punishing myself. The release of my tensions, even if it seems justified, leaves bitterness behind. Unless I have deliberately decided that my relationship with my family, especially my parents, has no further value in my life, I would do well to consider the long-range benefits of quiet acceptance in times of stress. Am I an enemy to my parents, or do I really love them?

"How shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI, 8-16.]

*August 15th*

Each of us has enormous potential. Many of our frustrations come from not making the most of ourselves and getting out of life what it has to give, ready and waiting for us to accept.

My parent made me go to this "teamwork intervention program" to create change in my behavior. I absolutely did "not" like going to this at first. Yet, I must admit, since I'm in this thing, perhaps it is true I can learn something from it.

Yes, I might hate to admit it, but the solutions to my life rest with me and no one else, and I must admit not all I've been doing has been good for me. With the help of my spiritual principles that I'm learning, I can adorn my life with happiness, no matter what other people say or do around me.

Today's Reminder
Other people can affect me only as I allow them to. I need not be influenced by others, for I am free to consult my own conscience, and decide what is best for me. In addition, at least this point in my life, my parents "do" serve a conscience for me as well. ... I know this is temporary, and soon, before I know it, I will be out on my own in life. I will be having to make decisions entirely for myself.

Yes, I can realize my own strength and confidence by using my Daily Reading, counseling, and taking full advantage of the teamwork intervention program.

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" by Jim Hogue, MFTI, 8-9.]

*August 14th*

Admitting to myself that I'm doing something wrong in my life, that will likely cause me great pain in the future unless I change, is hard, but is still not good enough. Doing that alone will not stop me from the same kind of harm I will probably do to myself in the future. Aldo, it takes me admitting the harm I have done and am doing, speaking it to another person. It is best that this other person is an adult who loves me and is concerned for my personal safety. Me, and me alone, can take over what I am doing and stop it. When I do this, it will be because something changed within "me". The adults in the "parent intervention team" are waiting for that to happen, and are perfectly willing to congradulate me for the good I decide to do.

Today's Reminder
I will look back upon all the things I have done in creating the problems I have made for myself. Am I any better off today for the crazy things I have done?

"I pray for the strength and wisdom to stop insisting that everything that happens in my life must happen only as "I" want them to happen."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" by Jim Hogue, MFTI , 2-1.]

*August 13th*

We suffer more than we need to, and often, perhaps, because we want to. Many of us reopen old wounds by dwelling on the past - what "he or she did last week or last year." Many of us live in needless dread of what tomorrow will bring.

An interesting and rewarding exercise for today might be to examine all the things that are hurting me at the moment. I will challenge their validity to see if there is any basis for my bitterness - or for that dread and fear. I'll probably discover, to my delight, that I have, right at this moment, more than enough reasons to be happy and contented.

Today's Reminder
Why do I allow myself to suffer? Is there any meaning or validity to the items I am permitting myself to suffer from? What if "my parents said this" - or "or some kid at school did that." Even if it was "meant" to hurt, it cannot reach the real me, if I stand guard at the door of my mind.

"Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you've even survived,
But what torments of grief you've endured,
From evils which never arrived."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon" by Jim Hogue, MFTI, 8-13.]

*August 9th*

I know how easy it is to let anger well up inside me at the thought of someone who has injured me. What is much more difficult is to take a detached view so I can stop the building up of this "head of steam." Unless I do this, it will explode, damaging me and everything around me.

When I am frustrated in my desire to punish the one I’m angry at, I may take it out on others like my parents or friends. Surely I have an obligation - a duty of love - to avoid aggravating and provoking to anger others, especially my parents.

Today’s Reminder:
There are many good reasons to keep myself from harboring resentful thoughts. They can grow into savage attacks on other human beings. Another good reason for quieting my anger before it gets out of hand is to prevent the emotional scars it can leave on me.

"If any man among you seem to be religious and bridleth not his tongue, he deceiveth his own heart; this mans’ religion is vain." (General Epistle of James)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon", 8-9.]

*August 10th*

In the book of Ecclesiasticus we read: "The stroke of the tongue breaks the bones. Weigh your words in a balance and make a door and a bar for your mouth. Envy and anger shortens your life."

This statement speaks directly for me as a teenager in my family. I can remind myself that I am working to improve myself. To do this, I must protect myself from influences of confusion, anger and resentment. I must check my part in difficulties I’m having with family members, especially with my parents.

Today’s Reminder
Let me remember how much damage I may have done, and may still do, by saying the first thing that comes to mind. Let me realize that the worst reaction of unbridled anger falls upon me. What I say in a single moment of uncontrolled rage can have inconceivable long-range consequences.

"Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the truth of man worketh not the righteousness of God." (Epistle of James)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, 9-10.]

*August 11th*

Suppose I feel like a prisoner, trapped in an irksome way of life, as so many of us do. What am I doing about it? My obvious impulse is to try to manipulate the things and people around me into being more acceptable to me. Do I argue, rage and weep to make my parents, family and friends behave in ways that I think will make me happier? Happiness isn’t won that way.

Freedom from despair and frustration can come only from changing, in myself, the attitudes that are maintaining the conditions that cause me grief.

Today’s Reminder
I have the power to set myself free by conquering the personal shortcomings that chain me to my problems. And not the least of these is the short-sightedness that has made me refuse to accept responsibility for the way I am.

"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon", 8-11.]

*August 12th*

It is difficult to overcome the habit of insisting that other people do what "I" want them to do. Sometimes doing what my parents ask me is very difficult. Still, I know that what my parents tell me to do is for my own good.


I must teach myself to gain my strength from God, and that He will help me be the kind of teen, and one day adult, that I can be. In this process, I will also learn to accept some things that happen around me that I would usually not like. I will look for, and appreciate my family and friends by being positive to them, and not so negative.


Today’s Reminder
I will not look for perfection in another person until I have become perfect myself. Since I know this will never be, let me learn to accept things as they are, and stop manipulating others into changing, and saying only what I want them to say. Let me look for a wiser approach to life "from myself", not from other people.


"Thou must learn to renounce thy own will in many things, if thou wilt keep peace and concord with others." (Thomas A’Kempis)


[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, 8-12.]