*October 1st*

Few of us are entirely free from a sense of guilt. We may be remorseful because of our words or actions or for things left undone. We may even feel guilty because of irrational or false accusations by someone acting selfishly in our family.

Yet, when I am troubled by a feeling of guilt, I cannot put into my day all I am capable of doing. I must rid myself of this guilt, not by pushing it inside, but by identifying the reason for it, and correcting the cause.

Free of this weight, I can put my all into my day's work and spiritual growth. Then I will have something worthwhile to give others, instead of concentrating on my own frustrations.

In other words, is my feeling of guilt trying to tell me that, "I'm wrong in something I have said or done?"

Today's Reminder
I will refuse to be troubled by an uneasy sense of guilt. I will track my feelings of guilt to its source, then make good any harm I have done. I will be most careful not to whitewash such feelings with self-justification and self-righteousness. That would only hamper everything I am trying to accomplish for the good of myself and others

"Keep yourself first in peace and then you will be able to bring others to peace. Have, therefore, a zeal in the first place over yourself ...".

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue MA, MFTI]

*September 30th*

Once there was a man whose beloved wife was transformed from the charming girl he had married into a sodden drunkard.

He was always angry and frustrated because he couldn't make her stop drinking. The more he tried, the worse she felt about it, thus, the more she drank. She was full of guilt and self-reproach because she left everything to him. He had to get the children ready for school, do the shopping, cook meals and clean house.

Then one day somebody told him about Al-Anon and other groups that give support in intervention. Although he felt his case was hopeless, he thought he'd try it anyway. As he read, asked question, and listened at meetings, he found he could get some perspective on his problems.

He stopped blaming himself for not being able to control his wife. He realized the children resented him because he was often cross and unreasonable, and that they loved their mama because she never scolded and they knew instinctively she was sick.

The husband and father began to consider his own needs for rest, quiet, and a bit of recreation. He arranged to have a housekeeper take over the home chores. He made many changes, but especially in his attitude toward his alcoholic wife.

After a spell of rebellion and resistance, she saw that she would have to get help.

(Note: This story, in all its aspects, has absolute relevance to how we respond in a healthy way to all dysfunctional family members in the Parent Team Intervention Program. As a teenager reads this story, it might be helpful for a parent to discuss with their child how this story might compare with the child's "anger" in the home.)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Dat At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 29th*

The time I spend in thinking of the past, holding grudges over past mistakes and failures, is time lost. My yesterdays have no importance except as experience in making today fruitful. Regrets and self-condemnation for what I did or left undone, only destroy my self-esteem and prevent me from having a "balanced" view of myself.

Today's Reminder
Feeling bad for hurtful things I have said and done to others may be healed by apologizing and making decisions to be good to people now. Feeling bad for missed opportunities will vanish as I try to make wise choices today. Let me fill this day I am in now with thoughts and actions that I will have no need to regret. Let me undertake now only as much as I can accomplish well, and that, without haste or tension.

"Just for today I will live through this one day only and not tackle all my problems at once. Those problems of the past need not concern me today; future ones can be faced as they arise."

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
(Book of Matthew)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 28th*

"I" am the one who is responsible for changing myself. Change in how I treat people, and change in how I complete assignments and duties that are mine to complete. Sometimes others, including my parents, have been impatient and have, at times, insisted that I change "Now." One reason for this, is because I myself have refused to make change happen in my own life in ways that "I" should.

My parents, teachers and others care for me. They want the best for me. I am wrong to insist that they all be perfect before I will do for myself what is no one's responsibility but my own. How long will I continue to blame others for what I refuse to do for in my own life?

My responsibility is to love, forgive, and remember that those who try to help me are human too. My responsibility is to show respect and honor to the adults who are my parents and teachers, because one day I will be a parent, a teacher, an adult.

Today's Reminder
I will know longer require others to "Rescue" me from consequences that happen because I have made bad decisions or acted in anger or laziness. Each day, in some way, I will say or do something to show my parents and other teaching adults, that I appreciate their efforts to help me grow to me a mature adult.

"Lord, help me to remember that there are people in my life who love me and expect me to stop making excuses when I have done something I was not to do."

[Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 27th*

Sometimes in my anger I want to go into the brains of my parents and turn screws in directions "I" think they should go! ... I'm starting to realize that judging as right or wrong what my father or mother think is not my job. There is no way I could do this anyway. Because of this, I have no choice but to turn the screws "in my own head", and do so in the direction that will cause me to feel good when doing the right things in my own life.

Today's Reminder
If my life feels like it's becoming unmanageable, how can I get control? Perhaps I can remember that parents, grandparents, teachers and other adults who make decisions in my life really care for me and wish me the best. I must remember there is protection for me as I live under the "umbrella" of their "love and authority." I will become an adult soon enough, there is no reason to rush it. Maybe, for now, God means for me to enjoy my life as a kid, and while doing so, leave the rest of the world's problems to the grown-ups to solve.

An honest effort to manage my own life will open many doors to me that my confused thinking had been keeping closed.

"If you cannot make yourself such a one as you wish to be, how can you expect to change another to what you wish them to be?"
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 26th*

If I keep thoughts of anger in my mind, I will feel justified in "getting even" and "paying back" to others for how I believe done me wrong. Yet, nothing good comes of this. It only destroys my happiness and takes my peace away. Keeping bad thoughts in my mind causes me to feel depressed and gets me in trouble.

The fact is, there is no way I can know why someone has done something, beyond asking them and that person telling us. Many times I have miss understood, then when I know the truth, it is often too late and the harm has been done. One way I can repair my wrongs of the past, is to not preoccupy my mind with the wrong of others in the present. Think of how much strength and happiness I can save by doing this!

Today's Reminder
When I make my decisions to act in response to others, it is vital that I do so not with out-of-control frustration and anger. Only God is the one who an judge, because he alone knows peoples' motives.. As the verse says, "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." ... Therefore any attempt at retaliation for an injury can only produce poor circumstances for me.

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments. There are only consequences." (Robert G. Ingersoll)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 25th*

The hardest thing for me to learn is to stop imagining that I can figure out why other people do the things they do. Almost immediately I jump to conclusions about what other peoples' motives. Yet, I know in my heart that I cannot read minds, but still I live my life in such a way as if I could do so.

Nobody but God understands what goes on inside another human being. May I not try to "play God" to figure out my parents or anyone else. May I not examine each person, including members of my family, as though they were a bug under a microscope. I always want to remember that every human being must be respected for his or her own individuality, no matter how battered their sense of self might be at times.

Today's Reminder
I will, today and from now on, examine my own role in all my confusion and despair. If I do this honestly, I will come to realize that I am not blameless, that there is much to be changed in me.

"How can he think the way I think, or do just what I'd do? (I will remember, day by day, ‘My love, I am not you!)"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 24th*

Maybe it is true what I've been told, that there are great benefits for me to change my way of thinking. But sometimes it is difficult. Maybe the most difficult thing I will ever do.

I will say this, "May I no longer throw blame around." ... What would happen if I did this? I know I would find happiness deep inside me. I would find fulfillment in my life.

Today's Reminder
I wish to no longer spend my time having "blaming" thoughts of others. How can I know what another is going through? How can I know that in fact the other person might be trying very hard to improve? I choose to stop blaming. I choose to make this my way of living my life. ... I will not blame the other person. I will not blame anyone. I will not blame myself.

"Who is to blame? Whom have I the right to blame? Let me concentrate on keeping my own conduct from being at fault. I cannot do more than this."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 23*

I must admit to myself that there are times I try to "run the show." At those times, it doesn't matter what my parents or anyone else has to say. This kind of deception I create only increases my frustrations in life, as well as the frustrations of others in my family. Doing this makes my home a battleground. My frustration in life then causes me to be tricked by "lightening quick" changes of mood in others. It is like I become a "puppet" to the way other kids act in school and so on. Because of this is, I see it is necessary that I learn to detach my mind and emotions from the minute-by-minute conflict that happens around me. I will seek a peaceful and orderly way of life within me.

If we stop fighting every incident that happens, absence of an active adversary is bound to bring about wholesome changes in the home environment and everyone in it.

Today's Reminder
I will not try to outwit or outmaneuver anyone else, but will proceed quietly to live my life so I will have less reason for self-reproach. I will withdraw my mind from what others do, and think of what I am doing. I will not "react" to challenging words and actions.

"When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger."
(Epictetus)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 22*

When I concentrate on little things that annoy me, and they turn into resentments that grow bigger and bigger, I seem to forget how I could be "stretching" my world and seeing the bigger picture of what is happening in my life. That's the way to shrink troubles down to their real size.

Worrying about small things takes my energy away, which I could certainly put to better use. Am I willing to waste my life in this way?

When something or somebody is giving me trouble, let me see the incident "in relation to the rest of my life", especially the part that is good, and for which I should be grateful. A wider view of my circumstances will make me better able to deal with all difficulties, big and small.

Today's Reminder
I refuse to let my serenity be drowned out by happenings that are in themselves unimportant. I will not be made uneasy by what others do, whether they intend to hurt me or not. I will not clutter up my thoughts with resentment. Doing so would not profit me, but worse, only hurt me in the end.

"Why do we accept things that trouble us, when we could do something about them, sometimes even with surprising ease?"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationship by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 21*

What is the real reason I am not happy and find myself get so angry? "DETERMINATION" - The idea I have that I can change people around me with my will to make them change. This whole feeling of tightening up, preparing for battle then fight my parents and others, only gets me tired, have poor self-esteem and accomplishes nothing good.

I am not empowered by God to "even up" scores and make others "pay for what they've done to me." I will learn to relax my stubborn grip on all the details of my sufferings and allow the solutions to unfold by themselves.

Today's Reminder
I am only a small cog in all that goes on in the world. My trying to run things the way I insist is doomed to fail. Peace of mind comes in not controlling things that happen around me with my own sheer will. Only then will I have time to count the blessings I can be thankful for, as well as work on my shortcomings while enjoying each moment as it comes.

"What hurt could it do thee if thou wouldst let it pass and make no account of it? Could it even so much as pluck one hair from thy head?"
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 20th*

If bad behavior on the part of my family causes me to be angry with them, then I should take a look at myself.

People in my family, as also my friends at school, are not "terrible people" with no sensitivity or good inside them. They are only confused and guilt-ridden human beings with badly battered egos.

God has given no one the right to humiliate another person. In every one of us there are qualities that we should be nice to and appreciate. To not do so would be wrong.

Today's Reminder
It is vital to my personal happiness to separate to see confused behavior, and try to be kind to each person, especially my parents, brother or sister. I will remember the respect that each one deserves. This, in turn, will give my family back the self-esteem that each needs.

"The surest plan to make a ‘man' a ‘man' is; ‘Think him so.'"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 19th*

I have much more to be grateful for than I realize. Too often I don't remember to give thought to all the things in my life that I could enjoy and appreciate.

Perhaps I don't take time for this important meditation because I'm too preoccupied with what does not seem to go my way. I allow my mind to keep filled with grievances, and the more I think of them, the bigger they seem to become. Instead of surrendering to God and His goodness, I let myself be controlled by my negative thinking into where my thoughts tend to stray unless I guide them firmly into brighter paths.

Today's Reminder
A period of meditation, every day, is necessary to emotional and spiritual development. If I meditate on what is good in my life, it will increase day by day and crowd out the self-pity and resentment over what I lack and what is hurting me. Suddenly I will find myself able to use God's help in managing my life and make it better than I can do myself alone..

"God has given us the faculties by which we are able to bear what comes to pass without being crushed or depressed thereby. Why then do we sit and moan and groan, blind to the Giver, making no acknowledgment to Him, but giving ourselves to complaints?" (Epictetus)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 18th*

I sometimes become angry with my parents. Sometimes I see I try to change them. Yet, maybe it is true that when I show kindness to my parents, they can be touched and change to be pleased to listen to my interest. Perhaps I have done things to destroy there ability to trust me. If this is true, there is much I can do to improve my situation. I have more control and power, with the help of God, to improve my life and situation. It can give me hope and strength knowing this.

I may think my problems are solved once I get past my mom or dad. I might believe I will be happier when I grow up and become an adult. Yet, interestingly, this is seldom the case with us kids. Maybe my parents are honestly trying to prepare me for the adult life I have before me.

Today's Reminder
Emotional disturbance is one cause for poor decisions and misbehavior of those we live with. I will remember that when I am "right" in a matter, I will be right the "right way." If I am right the wrong way, then my wrong is a greater wrong than the one I am correcting.

"God, you are my strength. Give me this strength at times when I need it."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 17th*

Have I the courage to face up to my own problem behavior? Can I believe that my situation is "not" really hopeless, and that I can speak and act in ways that are better towards others, especially my parents? Can I keep myself cheerful when everything seems to be leading me to despair?

The answers "could" be YES, if, regardless of the circumstances, I build my self-esteem on doing what is right and good. Also, I can overcome my hopelessness by opening my eyes to the troubles other people live with, so often much worse than mine. I can bring myself to a brighter view of life if I avoid the habit of feeling sorry for myself. (Despair is often a mask for self-pity.)

Today's Reminder
I will practice three things each day:
1) I will stop enabling (or being a crutch) to the family member who is being a problem.
2) I will not let myself concentrate on things in the most negative way possible.
3) I will remind myself that self-respect can relieve me of the need for pity.

"... in quietness and in confidence shall be our strength. ..."
(Book of Common Prayer)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 16th*

Having lived through more trouble than we felt we deserved, some of us turned our backs on God, determined to go our own way under our own power. This is like a child who walks into a dark room and refuses to turn on the light. When he stumbles and hurts himself, is the darkness to blame? If we are going somewhere, and we reject the power of a train or a car to take us there, whose fault is it that our arrival is so long delayed?

When we are faced with the perplexities of our relationships with our spouse and children, and try to deal with those perplexities on our own, we are stubbornly refusing the help that could be ours in a Parent Team meeting, as well as others in our support network. Whose fault is it, then, when things get worse instead of better?

Today's Reminder
When I am confronted with a problem, I will calmly search out the most intelligent means of solving it. I will use the means that have helped so many others with problems like mine. The Parent Team program, and these readings, will be my daily guide, leading me out of confusion into peacefulness.

"Unless I love my martyrdom and cling to it, I need not be alone in freeing myself from whatever troubles me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anln"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 15th*

A good way to "get out from under" some of the problems I have each day, is to stop "reacting" to everything that happens around me. Sometimes I have a constant drive to do "something" about everything that someone says to me.

However, it is good for me to remember that there is a time to act on what is said to me, and a time "not" to act on what is said to me. It is best that my action be based on careful thinking out what can happen afterwards. What I say or do should not be triggered by every "wind that blows." When something displeases me, it isn't a threat to my life, my safety, or anything that is actually important to me. Noing this will make it easier for me to not let many things bother me.

Today's Reminder
I will try to overcome my tendency to react to what people say or do. I can't know why people say some things they say. When I "react", I put the control of my peace of mind in the hands of others. My happiness is under "my" control, and I will not let someone else take it away from me, by tricking me to react to them in anger.

"I pray for the tolerance and the wisdom to avoid reacting to what other people say and do."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 14th*

When I quarrel, fight, and verbally abuse my parents, brothers and sisters, I fail to realize that in this way I can destroy what should be sacred relationships of people who love me. With those who are closest to me, I am most apt to forget the consideration owe to the people in my family. Yet, the fact is, I "am" able to change this behavior. I "can" set a new tone in my home by simply being courteous and kind to each member in my family.

Today's Reminder
A quiet, composed response to an enraged attack can "take-the-wind-out-of-the-sails" of someone yelling or who is angry with me. What can I possibly lose by responding this way? At least it will add to my own dignity and stature to say nothing I will later regret.

"Of Courtesy: it is much less
Than courage of heart or holiness.
Yet in my walks it seems to me
That the grace of God is in Courtesy."
(Hilaire Belloc: "Courtesy")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 13th*

Once upon a time there was a family who lived in a beautiful house. The family had lots of the material things that many people think are important for contentment. The family, however, was not contented. With one misunderstanding and another, the situation grew worse and worse. Nobody would give way an inch in their bitter arguments, until at last the family's love turned to hate. Finally certain ones in the family insisted that inside the house they would build brick walls to divide other family members. Each went his and her own way, and each never spoke to the others again as long as they lived. The family had many wretched years in their isolation.

Today's Reminder
Am I unknowingly building walls between myself and the people in my family? Are the walls being made of stubbornness, self-will, self-righteousness and a desire to punish? Such walls can be as hard and unyielding as though they were made of real bricks. It would leave me no space in which to grow.

"God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into walls, such walls as cannot be penetrated even by love."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 12th*

When you are a teenager, it is important that you understand the important position your parents occupy in your life. The world is designed in such a way to often seek to separate you from your father and mother in ways that are not healthy. Yes, separation from your parents is important in your normal process of growth, but when others try to convince you your parents do not love you, do not mean good for you, or are "stupid" in some way, these are people you must avoid. A person telling you these things in ways that are destructive, can be a fellow classmate, another teen or an adult.

When someone, other than your parents or a counselor, seek to give you advice, the advice should be in the direction of "spiritual growth", and that, within the belief system of your family. There is danger in going beyond this. The result of giving too much advice results in what is called "Triangulation", to make one of your parents look bad, then splitting the family.

Sometimes a frustrated neurotic gives advice that stirs up hostility between a parent and child. He or she may make the situation much worse by justifying the child's resentment. Promoting such resentments can have serious consequences. So, too, can urging one or the other to "stand-up-for-your-rights" or "not-to-allow-this-or that!" The unhealthy "helper", this way, receives unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while at the same time, not managing one's own life.

Today's Reminder
Heaven protect me from my good friends, who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, and justify my complaints. In the name of doing good, they can hamper my restoring a tolerant and loving relationship with my family.

"We must not be easy in giving credit to every word and suggestion, but carefully and leisurely weigh the matter according to God." (Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 11th*

Occasionally I notice that I fight and argue with people around me. I'm told this is especially harmful when it is with my parents, because they love me a lot and so on. "I've often wondered when I start a battle in my home, how I'd feel if somebody were recording what I was saying, and the tone of voice I was using was being shown to others to see and hear. I'd be screeching and shouting. I'd bring up all my weapons of sarcasm and lash out." ... "Wouldn't I feel pretty cheap if I could ‘hear myself' being played back?" ... "Wouldn't it give me some idea of my part in my family's problems!"

(Note that the word "sarcasm" comes from the Greek for "tearing of flesh.")

Today's Reminder
I will from now on take note of how disagreements start in my home. If I am the one who starts the arguments, I will try to do what I can to end them quickly in a good way. If I am challenged by an angry person, I will respond quietly or not at all. ... I will remember that my parents are human too.

"A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." (Proverbs)

*September 10th*

Again I ask myself the same question as yesterday. "What am I doing with what I have?" This question can be applied in many ways. Take for instance the ability to remember. If I have been given the gift of a good, clear memory, how do I use it?

It isn't likely that God conferred this gift on me for the purpose of dredging up bad attitudes against my parents, or remembering bad things friends and fellow students sometimes say against me. That would clearly be a waste of this gift He has given me, when I have so many things in my life to be thankful for!

Today's Reminder
What am I doing with this precious ability to recall what happened in the past? If I use it to remember enjoyments and interesting experiences, it will give me a saving perspective on the problems I am encountering in each moment when each moment happens. I can also use the gift of memory for storing up today's blessings to give me strength and insight for challenges that will come in the future.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things." (Philippians)

*September 9th*

Here's an eye-opening, mind-opening question to ask myself: "What am I doing with what I've got?" ... Instead of crying over what I don't have, and wishing my life were different, "what am I doing with what I've got?"

Am I sure I'm doing everything possible to make my life a success? Am I using my capabilities well, to help others who also have needs? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for?

Actually, I am the possessor of unlimited resources that have been given to me. The more I do with them, the more they will grow, to overshadow and cancel out the difficult and painful aspects that now get so much of my attention.

Today's Reminder
Isn't my life full of potential good that I'm not using? Couldn't I bring it to fruition by changing my attitude? As a beginning, I will apply liberal amounts of gratitude for even my littlest advantages and pleasures. When I build on this precious foundation of present, tangible good, things will continue to change for the better.

"God give me power within me to be grateful for all the good things I have been taking for granted."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 8*

It is important that I remember that God has given me the parents I have. He expects me to learn to live with the parents He has given me. I am told in the program I am in, that learning to do what my parents tell me to do with a good attitude, prepares me for the life I will soon have as an adult. I have often believed that I was the only person in all the world with problems and difficulties. Too often I have insisted that things should go only the way "I" want them. I know some times I've been angry with my parents, but the fact is, I love them very much. If something was to happen to them, I would be very, very sad. Actually, my parents have qualities I very much appreciate. I just have to remember to think of them, instead of thinking only of "negative" things like I have often done.

Today's Reminder
In the counseling, teaching, videos and meetings I'm told to watch, read and listen to, I am learning why some things happen in the way they do. Maybe I can use the learn to know what to do about my occasional bad thinking and bad attitudes. If I can bring sunshine into my home, through being positive and having my first thoughts be "good" about people, surely it will make everyone feel better, and make me feel better also!

"God, help me to use the gifts You have given me. I want to use them to help others through making my own world better and brighter."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 7th*

I admit, as a kid, I've often come to Parent Team Intervention Team meetings acting like a "victim" and feeling sorry for myself! Gratefully, however, the parent team consistently refuses to fall for my manipulations. It never would help if my counselor, or the team of parents in support of my mom and dad, should ever assure me that my resentments are justified or that I should continue angry name-calling against my parents. What I need to learn is to "resist" the habit of arguing and demanding that things always go my way.

Maybe I should accept that it is correct that I've been wrong in how I've treated my parents and others in the past. That actually they love me, and want for me only what is for my good.

When I complain about something another person has done in my family that I don't like, the Parent Team gives me honest feedback about what I can do in the future to both improve my own attitude, then respond in acts of kindness to find in life what I really want to do.

Today's Reminder
Parent Team meetings can be inspiring, interesting, enlightening, and even fun. But if I only fight against the Parent Team, demanding my own way, because the parents love me, they will not give up so that I can be better in the future. When will I listen with an open mind, accept suggestions, and put to good use what I learn? Maybe then I will see that these people are truly my friends, and that my parents deserve to be respected.

"I pray to let nothing stand in the way of my learning about myself. This is the only way I will truly grow as a teenager, then finally as a young adult. This will become the way I will get what I want in life. By thinking of others before myself, and by being kind and not argumentative."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At At Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 6th*

Sometimes I've hated to admit it, but it is true that I've been learning things in the Parent Team counseling and intervention program. They talked so much about my need to overcome my tendency to control others - the directing, scheming and manipulating that can only result in my own defeat.

It is true I've been mad so often when things have not gone my way. I've manipulated by getting angry or acting hurt, all to get others to do what "I" want them to do, - especially my parents. They tell me this is how I try to avoid natural consequences for my bad decisions, and attempt to avoid personal responsibility for what I think, do and feel.

Today's Reminder
The way I've sometimes manipulated my parents and other people, is pictured in the words of Tolstoy:

"I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - "except by getting off his back."

"Teach me to leave to others their inborn right to dignity and independence, as I wish to have them leave mine to me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 5th*

I went to the parent team meeting, as many other kids do, with an overwhelming desire to not do anything I was told to do! In the parent team meetings I was not allowed to speak unless first asked to do so by an adult. I did not think it was fair! I was like a river dammed up not allowed to flow freely!!! Still, I must admit to myself, all my "talking" has never yet done me any good. I have "talked, talked and talked, and yet there remains an emptiness and dissatisfaction inside me.

Then one day I realized why this was. When I talk all the time, nothing new is being added to me. I am using the same old destructive thought material that has kept me at a standstill for so long.

To absorb new ideas, I now spend more time keeping my lips closed and my ears open. I spend more of my time listening, as well as listening to audio assignments and watching videos that are recommended to me for assignments. I find all this gives me new perspectives on my problems, so that solutions come more easily.

Today's Reminder
The meetings I attend, and the assignments given to me, are a wellspring of helpful thoughts; if I don't listen to them, I will not receive the benefits that could greatly help me. Constant talking could keep me from receiving what can help me for the rest of my life.

"I pray to me reminded that the counseling and group meetings I attend can provide important gifts for me. I can receive them only by holding my peace and letting others talk. Then I might learn more, and find that my parents, the group leader, and other adults in the meetings actually care about me very much, and want what is best for me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time With Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI (2-10]

*September 4th*

As I uncover and face my own shortcomings, my many good qualities will be revealed to me, too, reminding me that they have the same reality as my faults. Let me appreciate them, for they not only "off-set" the faults, but give me a foundation on which to grow. If I recognize that I can be kind, tolerant, generous, honest, patient - let me be happy in these constructive qualities. They make it possible to accept myself. They are mighty strengths in me overpowering the shortcomings that are roadblocks to my happiness.

Today's Reminder
It is just as self-deceptive to discount, or put down, what is good in us as to ignore what is not. This is false humility, which is as arrogant and mean! The purpose of examining my character as a person, with as much honesty and detachment as possible, is not to exaggerate guilt for what I don't have, but to use the good to overcome my faults.

"Let me learn to understand myself first; that will occupy me so fully that I will have no time nor thought to analyze and criticize my spouse, my family and other people around me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 3rd*

I should look to myself. Maybe what my parents and other people are trying to tell me is true. What is it that "I'm" doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones that are close to me? Could it be that I'm trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else? In my readings I am encouraged to examine "my" impulses, motives, actions and words. This helps me to correct the causes of my own unease and not blame it on others.

Today's Reminder
At first, the idea that we might be at fault isn't easy to accept. We find it hard to believe that our behavior isn't all it should be.

Once I overcome the habit of justifying everything I do, and make use of such tools as courtesy, tenderness and a warm interest in others, miracles will happen.

"If you cannot make yourself what you would like to be, how can you expect to have another person exactly to your wishes? We want to see others perfect, yet our own faults go unattended"
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Alinon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 2nd*

The time has come for me to realize that my attitude, toward the life I am living and the people in it, can have a tangible, measurable effect on what happens to me day by day. There is no place where this is greater true, than how I feel and act towards my own family. If I am expecting good, good will surely come to me. Even when I show basic kindness to my parents, brother or sister, they are each more able to be nice to me in return. Awareness of others, a tolerant uncritical awareness of what they need, feel and think, will gradually change my personality for the better, and in the end, this would be good for me.

Today's Reminder
If I try each day to put my point of view and my attitudes on a sound spiritual basis, I know it will change all the circumstances of my life for the better also. I will see the results in the way other people respond to me and in the way my daily needs are met. Concern, love, and kindness on my part, will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." (The Gospel of Matthew)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]