*September 12th*

When you are a teenager, it is important that you understand the important position your parents occupy in your life. The world is designed in such a way to often seek to separate you from your father and mother in ways that are not healthy. Yes, separation from your parents is important in your normal process of growth, but when others try to convince you your parents do not love you, do not mean good for you, or are "stupid" in some way, these are people you must avoid. A person telling you these things in ways that are destructive, can be a fellow classmate, another teen or an adult.

When someone, other than your parents or a counselor, seek to give you advice, the advice should be in the direction of "spiritual growth", and that, within the belief system of your family. There is danger in going beyond this. The result of giving too much advice results in what is called "Triangulation", to make one of your parents look bad, then splitting the family.

Sometimes a frustrated neurotic gives advice that stirs up hostility between a parent and child. He or she may make the situation much worse by justifying the child's resentment. Promoting such resentments can have serious consequences. So, too, can urging one or the other to "stand-up-for-your-rights" or "not-to-allow-this-or that!" The unhealthy "helper", this way, receives unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while at the same time, not managing one's own life.

Today's Reminder
Heaven protect me from my good friends, who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, and justify my complaints. In the name of doing good, they can hamper my restoring a tolerant and loving relationship with my family.

"We must not be easy in giving credit to every word and suggestion, but carefully and leisurely weigh the matter according to God." (Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]